Intersections of fate

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Today was Sunday, the absolute worst day to be having sinful thoughts. Just hours earlier Reyna abstained from receiving communion while at church and got the stink eye from her mother. On the drive home, she indicated her disapproval; lecturing on the sanctity of the Eucharist. It was nothing Reyna had not heard before and she quickly tuned out the conversation. 

Now, she was trying her best to enjoy their family outing at Mero, a wide stretch of beach with black volcanic sand. The weather was sunny, the water, nice and refreshing. She’d brought snorkeling gear but the seawater was murky from stirred up silt so instead she was relaxing on a lounge chair. Reyna’s sisters were around, socializing with friends however she’d lost track of their movements. They assigned her to supervise her younger brother but for the most part he could be drowning. She was thoroughly preoccupied with another interest; that of the female variety and there were many to command her attention. 

She felt the burning heat and reached for a bottle of water. The liquid was refreshing and she drank most of it in a single gulp, then splashed the balance against her body in a cooling attempt. She was mixed but did not really look it; her mother had a Kalinago father and Afro-Caribbean mother while her father was of Afro-French origin, as indicated by their surname. Her melanin was a milky coffee color which was how she liked it, because she there was little risk of tanlines. She readjusted her sunglasses and returned to stalking. 

Reyna was 21, but looked and to some extent felt 16; like she hadn’t matured a day beyond the age she discovered the “oddness,” she sensed about herself, had a name. It was term she knew; heard bandied as an insult between women, but it developed a new meaning when she recognized its relevance to her. "Zami," the local term used to describe women whose friendship transitioned beyond customary boundaries into romance. For five years she’d harbored this secret, but never dare reveal, because the consequences were too steep. 


She made that discovery following her church youth group’s trip to St. Lucia for Easter holidays. It was the last year of high school and her parents were finally allowing her to engage in things by herself, without the overbearing presence of her sisters. Reyna met Nadia in Castries while shopping. She had slipped away to go about by herself, after growing tired of being dragged around by the other girls, who were stepping into every store, trying on anything that caught their interest, without purchasing. 

Her brother wanted a pair of football cleats to replace his outgrown ones and Nadia worked at the store where she stopped to enquire. They struck up an easy conversation while browsing the selection, and she discovered that Nadia was already a college student, working part time to pay her way through. They exchanged telephone numbers and for the remainder of the trip she hoped their paths could cross again but a reunion never occurred. Days later she was on the ferry headed back home but they were able to maintain a long distance friendship via texts, calls and social media platforms. 

In May, Nadia decided to visit for Pentecost holiday weekend to attend Jazz N’ Creole. Reyna’s parents had agreed to host the older teen, her mother fussing over every detail prior to their guest’s arrival. Nadia would be sharing Reyna’s bedroom and she was somewhat anxious. 

On Saturday, they attended the Riverside Jazz and Creole with her sisters, a fringe event held in the interior community of Belles. The location was a restaurant, overlooking one of the island's many rivers and the place had a wonderful ambiance. During a lull in the performances, Nadia went over to the river and attempted to navigate across but slid on a moss-covered rock. As she slipped towards the water, Reyna quickly reached out to grab her hand and pulled her ashore, deftly avoiding the near catastrophe. In that moment, Reyna experienced what felt like a sexually charged transfer of energy, which left her breathless. The pair made eye contact briefly before Nadia exhaled in relief and chuckled softly. They remained motionless, holding hands, apparently influenced by the sudden burst of adrenaline, until the voice of a female singer finally freed them from their trance and they returned to watch the show. 

For much of the evening, while in bed, Reyna was haunted by the earlier experience. The past six weeks of communication, had led to certain revelations between the pair 

and in fact, some of their suggestive conversations might have significantly alarmed her parents. However, in person their attitude was rather muted, the awkward embarrassment of being unable to hide behind a screen. Eventually she closed her eyes and listened to Nadia breathing beside her, until she passed out from fatigue. 

On Sunday morning they attended church and by afternoon everyone was packed into her Uncle’s bus, headed to Cabrits for the 5th annual Jazz N’ Creole. The event was as expected, the headline acts performed spectacularly but the show stealer was saxophonist Aturo Tappin. 

The two kept each other company throughout the event, unwilling to be apart for any extended period. Later in bed, they discussed the show and the excitement of the entire experience. During the conversation, Nadia drew closer and held her hand; the sensation of this touch stimulating feelings deep within. Reyna did not resist Nadia’s advances; instead, she welcomed that first kiss, the caresses all over her body and the eventual surrender to “Zami”. 

The relationship tapered off with distance and time but since then she has enjoyed other secret liaisons, with women she connected with online or met locally. 

At the beach, Reyna establishes eye contact with a young woman who purposefully crosses her line of sight. No words are spoken but on instinct, she follows her as she walks over towards the bar. 

Aidan R.

(She/her) I am a queer femme originally from the Commonwealth of Dominica, residing now in the Southern United States.

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