Memory Games
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Yuh wake up screaming, parched lips bitter from the tail-end of another nightmare. Yuh barely make it out ah blood red mini-van window to dash ‘cross Dry River before ah flood of muddy water wash way the poor van, the sound of big stones clanging on metal ringing in yuh ears as the van vanish from sight. Tony mumble something ‘bout ‘crazy wife’, roll over on he stomach, and let loose a long loud fart. Yuh groan and force open yuh eyes, the nightmare a receding memory. Yuh inhale the familiar nauseating odour that accompany all yuh nightmares, and tug damp tangled sheets from yuh trembling frame. Tony, wrapped up in the sheets like ah blasted
Egyptian mummy, crank up snoring. Yuh ease your legs under he gut and kick him clear off the bed. Tony trapped like ah big fly in the web ah white cotton sheets. He thrash ‘bout for ah full minute before he had the good sense to finally give up. He address the ceiling, chest heaving, bluntly refusing to bless he eyes pan yuh.
“Ann, way the hell yuh doing?”
“Husband, yuh sleep good?”
“Nah bother mamaguy me with no ‘husband’ stupidness! The least yuh can do is leh me rest in peace after the unneccessary ruption yuh cause last night.” Yuh feel like he deserve another kick, but yuh humble yuhself. “Well, if yuh learn to fold yuh clothes, I wouldn’t have ah thing to quarrel bout.”
“DIRTY CLOTHES ANN! Who does fold dirty clothes?”
“Me! I doh ask fuh much _”
Tony crawl out the room before yuh finish, sheets trailing behind him.
____
Ah vague sense of anxiety, lingering on the fringe of yuh memory, is the only hint of yuh nightmare. Yuh focus yuh energy on getting yuh room picture-perfect, converting all the chaos in and around yuh body into soothing invisible patterns. What better way to take control ah yuh day than to defiantly transform the madness of the universe into positive energy? Yuh close yuh eyes, and start yuh customary sacrament.
“one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two,three, four, five, six, seven _”
By the time yuh ‘sevens’ cover all the squares in the tile design on the floor, yuh room spotless; yuh bed in the center ah the room; psychedelic rings on fresh sheets swirl in perfect harmony with yuh curved bed head and yuh two matching oval side tables. Yuh overhead fan add to the peaceful zen with slow steady circles. Everything white. Perfection. Tranquility. Yuh feel like yuh could take on the world now.
____
Yuh contemplate helping Sydel with she homework on Vincentian female nation builders. After all, yuh come from ah long line ah powerful matriarchs. Strength ah the first thing women learn in yuh family, and strength ah the last thing they cling to. Yuh mother, may her soul rest easy with the ancestors, make sure yuh understand from day one, that yuh matriarchal ancestors never back down from ah challenge. When the British bring war to the Garifunas, the women fight front and center on the battlefield with dey men. And when they trick yuh people into leaving dey birthright, the women follow dey men in exile. The names ah the matriarchs use to drip from yuh tongue like rum in a village shop, but now the sounds cling to the base ah yuh skull like brown sugar lumps exposed to too much air.
Sometimes, yuh get ah fleeting glimpse of jumbled letters chasing each other in ah endless maze. If yuh try to unscramble them, or get too close, they fade away.
“Ann, yuh call for Sydel?” Tony materialized in the bedroom doorway minus the sheets. Yuh not sure how to respond. If he say yuh call Sydel, then it have to be yuh call for Sydel. Right?
“Yes eh. Ah wah we tackle she homework on female nation builders _”
“Why yuh always going back to that one assignment Ann? Yuh help Sydel with that since Common Entrance days.”
Goose bumps raise like duppies all over yuh body. Old people claim that only happen when somebody step on yuh grave. Yuh rotate yuh neck slowly in ah effort to ward off the sudden chill in the room. Out of the blue, something click, like ah key sliding seamlessly in ah lock. Names tumble out yuh astonished mouth without warning.
“Reine. Zabete. Janis. Nanon,” Yuh pause to catch yuh breath, “Beludine, Nanon, Baptiste, Chatoyer!”
Tony look like he on the verge ah crying. Yuh recognize the tell-tale biting ah he lips. “Ann, Sydel not here yuh know,” he clear he throat, “she in Barbados now.”
“Way Sydel doing in Barbados? I wah teach she ‘bout she ancestors _”
“She studying Ann. At Cave Hill campus.”
“Oh. Yes. She studying. And I real proud _”
“So yuh remember?”
“I just forget for ah minute _” Yuh feel yuhself swaying, and Tony rush to pull yuh in a too-tight bear hug.
Yuh mother’s disjointed voice full up the room like ethereal punta music on surround sound - “Ann, we know enough women leave there to remember _”
“Way happen when yuh memories play games?” Yuh voice barely above ah whisper. Tony squeeze yuh even tighter.
Yuh mother’s reassuring voice continue to reverberate ‘round the room – “Every grain ah black sand, and every ounce ah fresh water in St. Vincent, carry the essence ah the Garifuna woman. When one forget, another go remember. Teach Sydel - ”
Yuh smile. Tony sense yuh mood shift. “Come Ann, leh me go prepare yuh favorite food. Yuh always say that fry plantain fix everything!”
“Yes eh! Please and thanks!”
Yuh follow Tony to the kitchen, trying extra hard not to think ‘bout why fry plantain is yuh favorite food, or how it fix everything.