Music for 1

Photo by Joshua Mcknight from Pexels

The soca song “Lucille” by Jestura was the anthem for Shilva especially around Carnival season. It was about a young girl who lived a sheltered life, but was introduced to carnival music and fell in love with the rhythms. Shilva could relate. She’d grown up as a really sheltered young lady, always home or in church, and her mother never let her go anywhere by herself. She didn’t mind much, outside was always bustling, with people shouting in her ears non-stop. Sometimes they even followed her home but her mother said no one was there. How could that be? She was certain she saw people tiptoeing past her room. However there was something about soca music that drowned out the noise. She could sway her hips and snap her fingers to the beat and forget about everything and everyone around her. Her mother called it demon music but she didn’t care. She loved the soca rhythms.

One afternoon, as Shilva was in her room fiddling with her phone, her small half broken radio bleated. The announcer said he was about to play a new soca song from Jestura for the season. She perked up and reached over to her book shelf to turn the volume up to as loud as it could go. Jestura was her artist! As she pulled back, she bumped her head on the shelf but rubbed it quickly and went to lie on her bed to listen to the new song. The lyrics floated out of the radio. “Now is the time, to get out of limbo, I know you’ve been waiting to dance to the tempo”. Shilva bobbed her head. This could have been written for her. She had been feeling as if she were stuck in limbo for a while.

“Bring all your fears, throw them away, Carnival is here to stay, Gyal you know you single, Come outside and mingle”, Jestura crooned.

Shilva was enjoying this song. Another anthem, she thought. As she swayed and rocked to the music, she heard noise through her window and peeped out. A long procession of people were dancing and singing going down the road. Singing the very song she was listening to on the radio. A man looked up at her peeping out.

“Come down and mingle” he said, beckoning to her and smiling mischievously. Shilva pulled back her head quickly. She didn’t know those people. Back on the radio, Jestura continued to sing.

“You know you’ve been waiting for the right chance, release your fears, now is the time to dance!”

Shilva peeped back out. The man was still there looking up at the window. He was kind of cute. She made a split decision. “I’m coming! Wait for me”! Shilva threw on a cute romper and sped out of the house, past her bewildered mother and brother, to join the procession of people dancing and singing music. The man grabbed her hand and they began to dance.

Shilva spun and twirled, and shimmied and dipped. She was having a great time. Everyone was singing along loudly and snapping their fingers. As she danced down the street with her new found dancing partner, she suddenly felt a hand dig into her shoulder.

“Shilva what are you doing? Come inside now! Everyone is staring at you! And what happened to your forehead? There’s a huge bump there” her mother’s voice cut through the music like a record scratch. Shilva wriggled away.

“Everyone is dancing Mommy, look around,” Shilva gestured behind her.

“Where Shilva? There’s no one behind you.” A range of emotions flitted across her mother’s face.

Shilva turned. There was no one there. No music, no long lines of people, not even her cute dancing partner. Where had they all gone? She saw a flicker of movement behind her neighbor’s curtains. Had everyone seen her dancing by herself in the street, to music only she could hear? Her knees buckled, but her mother’s firm hand caught her before she fell.

“Let’s go home, Shilva. I don’t think you took your medication this morning, but it’s ok. We can do it when you get home.” Her mother clasped Shilva’s hand in hers and gently led her back to the house.

“What happened out there Mommy? And why is my head hurting?” Shilva tenderly touched the bump on her forehead. She couldn’t remember how she got that.

“Remember Shilva, we had this conversation already, your doctor said you have Schizophrenia so you have to take your medication every day. It’s ok though. I’ll remind you tomorrow”. Shilva’s mother guided her through the house and back into her room, where her radio was playing commercials quite loudly. Shilva laid on her bed and turned her head to the window. She struggled to remember the conversation she’d had with her doctor several weeks ago, after she had run out of the house behind another non-existent carnival band. He did say something about schizophrenia but a lot of it sounded confusing. A tear rolled down her cheek. She hated this feeling, and she hated knowing even more that her neighbors had seen her. Her mother suddenly appeared at her door with several pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Don’t cry Shilva, we are going to get through this. And in any case, we have a gift for you”. She called for Shilva’s brother Samuel to come, and he came through the doorway and shoved a box into Shilva’s hand and quickly scurried back outside.

It was a brand new radio.